one on one

I was woken up moved to the core and my perplexity to cope with the situation persisted for long time even after tea and lazy doing. I learnt of my incapacity to survive my own. It is impossible but I have to. This dose was personally administered to me by who else.

The dream:

I am trying to learn to drive a bike. This is a new bike and was with me for some time. I know all the essentials. Balancing, risk of being stranded with bike in an unknown place without any support. Bike's essentials - fuel valve, ignition key, kick start, acceleration in the handle, new engine hardly makes any noise of engine firing, over flooding, my old age and exhaustion, and human assistance for limited time.

I give up - I am past stage of learning.

I have no option but face my own death seeing the same with my own eyes. A distance away it my personal-me who shall not come to receive or assist me till I am dead. That has plugged all the routes of escape.

I remember the story of Casablanca standing on the burning deck - his father asked him to wait and he is waiting. All have left - father has not come - ship is in fire and burn him to death and sink for ever with no trace of him.

I can no longer be me whatever I may think I am.