defending indefensible and impossible

Truth is here and now

What I see is created ground up from me my words and my images and thus entirely conceived by me.

I have no option but perceive all as they are. I can't prevent perceiving.

All is me or what I think. All is nothing regardless of what I think.

I am my fiction.

I am unlike all without words name image or description. I am truth.There is no one and nothing besides me.

It is perfection of perfection

it is absolute still.

there is no noise. no perception.

still

a split - a sensor and a perception and a collection. did i hear something/ did I see something? perceptor is perception.

a consciousness

any noise is reflected perfectly and it is not possible to determine what is original and what is reflection.

It is my world

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what see near my home?

I see my excitements and there is no option not seeing them even if that my cause of my death.
[ Daw's father perfectly healthy and wealthy] died receiving a telephone bill with wrong amount. He could not contain his excitement. Chhorda was excited by all the people visited him in the hospital. He could not help but get excited. I get excited with any monetary loss.]
My excitement I have to see. While theoretically it is possible to see only my excitements and not act but the ability might be far off. No one or device could gauge my excitement though may exist. Whether that may reduce my excitement I do not know.
My excitements are entirely work of my art. Basis however is contemporary clients of mine - all humans I know. I also assume they represent their own known group where they discuss about me. They too no existence beyond. So on. They all are my excitements too and i have no option but recognize them. I have wired myself that way.
Ultimately The base where I have no recognition and no excitement.
What is my cure or solution for my continuous fever?
[babar could voluntarily take humayun's fever to himself curing humayun] 

feel good

If I am to feel good that I am in heaven and there is no king of heaven. I must necessarily assume I am good and doing good; also all is good and beneficial to me - if I wish to waste my power to change my environment in heaven.
If I am to feel bad that I am in hell and there is a king of hell. I must necessarily assume I am bad as per rule of hell and all is bad and intend to torture me rest of my life. It is waste of my power of imagination.
Alternative to both - 'I am nothing' no particular imagination required. 'all is nothing' no particular imagination required.

isomorphism

Isomorphism is a difficult concept for even mathematicians who spend too much time with it to establish their point of view to other mathematicians to see and approve. It is not two copies of the same news paper. It is the same news paper (object) seen by two individuals. Their perception are quite different and the object does not matter.
Lot of our prediction system based on our perception of the same object say environment even at a given location say an university or a village. All the conjectures and realities however rewarding (number of Nobel Prizes). Essentially they are isomorphic even though we do not know any two individuals from the same group.
I shall give some illustrations to make this clear. I declare first I do not know.
It is commonly held belief and substantiated with photos that earth is round or near sphere and it shares the common sky sun and moon globally. We explain seasons, global warming, and predict eclipses.
We may as well think earth is flat as we believed for many centuries in the near past doing all those we are doing now thinking it not flat. Kepler spent his life time trying accommodate four perfect solids between five plants and sun.
Perhaps many centuries shall pass before we reject relativity theories (mantra) that we are adopting in social sciences too because of isomorphism - living in the same culture and time.
It is possible to think that earth is a diamond cut with multiple faces and harmonize all observations on each cut that does not contradict its past and present experience and predict its future course of events.
One of the fundamental belief among university educated is 'Time is a line'. Some intellectual among them even say Time is Cycle - history repeats - for their sake - so that they can repeat themselves in any crowd all their life.
No harm and no gain either since truth is independent of both.
Time can as be well inside of a hollow pipe with rings that one may cycle endlessly or jump to some other ring; or have spiral motion as you please or just straight ahead linear.Adopting any you shall be able to write many books and rewarded for scientific thinking. but truth shall remain unchanged and independent. Time as an object is independent what isomorphic view one has. Time might as well be without dimension devoid of mathematical interpretation or common knowledge. 

home

what is my definition of home?

The residence belongs to me and not rented or shared. No tax no liabilities. I don't have to attend nor I have to open. I am not answerable. I can be as I please - nude nasty insensible rude savage non-social private - ban all. I do as I please what happens in outside world does not reach me.

it is essential to know my home.

I am constructing my home at my heart where i can retire without notice without reason for ever - now here and not answerable to any. I have everything I need in my home. The space belonged to me. It is free - no rent no tax no liability. It is also my home office. I do as i please without any accountability.

I am absolute here and now is my home.

navigating to home

GPS an intelligent device that without assistance from human traveller helps navigate human to reach destination. it does so well that Joya used to think it is some human guiding us.

I saw carl sagan's contact about 14 years back. in this film a girl obsessed about her father's death took to communicating with intelligent being if any in the cosmos. cosmos too is incidentally a three part 14 one hour serial by carl sagan. The girl became an astronomer was successful in getting a blue print design of space vehicle by which she may travel to the planet of superior intelligence. With government aid such a vehicle is made and she was on board. She was ejected in space but for rest of the world her space vehicle dropped to earth surface only from elevation where it was mounted. For few seconds she was weightless falling a many hours drama was video recorded in the vehicle - her travel and meeting with the superior intelligence in appearance her father in an island they visited in her childhood.

I am navigating towards the center of my universe. on the way I am seeing everyday objects as anybody does. They are isomorphic to objects seen by anybody. thus it is an illusion that we share and talk about and study in universities. At the center of my universe it is reality or truth absolute and not relative that differs in detail.

My unique GPS guides me to that center. The measure is distance from center. my lack of joy.

vivek churamoni

In Chittaranjan I spent my childhood and school years, and my sense perceptions were built ground up there. Most of activities were my creations without precedence and some were with my friends. I used to be collector. My collections were stones of all kinds from many days of lonely hunting in the hills and river beds in the surrounding landscape. 

Chittaranjan had a  hill top water reservoir and a nearby water filtering unit. Top of the hill had a rotating light that can be noticed many miles away.

It is my concept of Vivek churamoni - I am referring to the essay by Adi Shankaracharya. That shining existence in my heart that creates a moment that I see and impossible to not see it.

My world has been constructed piece by piece over 64 years or even before, while I was conceived in my mother's womb. What I learnt  till now can't be changed hereafter. 

It is impossible to change my world and me. I can't protect myself and prevent no perception. I can change none either with my words actions or thoughts. I can't prevent thinking nor doing. I am automaton.

'Timeless' is the only author of my world. I have no option but live within its supply of events especially written for me however scanty and defective. I had no choice then and have no choice now. As the days pass I shall personally see my cancer spread.

I can not predict.

কথা নয়

ক্ষণেকের আনন্দ এখন যেমন তেমন 

জানা অজানা

সব আমার জানা শুধু আমি ছাড়া
সব এখন আমার সমান আনন্দ
আমি না হলে আমি নই
অজানা
কিছু নেই ক্ষনিকের বিলুপ্তিও নেই যে
জানার
সবার শেষে  সবার প্রথেমে
অকল্পনীয় অভাবনীয়
আমি অজানা 

self discovery

Unknown?
There is one and only one unknown it this world - it is me among all knowns truly. I know nothing about me except is completely unknown to me. THEORY
" I am the unknown. I enjoy all (my knowledge my perception). I can't be any other. I am true - not my assumption. I am absolute - unique. I can not 'not enjoy' all and be me as well." PRACTICE

Time?
There is no time except now.

Knowledge?
Perception as is - my knowledge.

Universal?
'Some one is perceiving as I am perceiving' is my assumption. Many perceiving the same object is an assumption on isomorphism in many world for the same object.

Assume from a fixed point if that be possible making video recording of sun earth and moon.
Assume spirally moving point taking video of sun earth moon.
All our equipments and tools assume isomorphism though for video recording. A and B observing the same video recording are seeing the same thing. A and B simultaneously record the same in WORDS. They may agree to uniqueness of words describing the video. Establishing ISOMORPHISM. Universal. Mathematics is one such universal. Platform for communication. Mathematics is not true

রাজার রাজার হুকুম

এই রাজার রাজার রাজত্বে
সব এখন আমার কাছে সমান আনন্দ
কোনো রাজার কোনো নিয়ম আর চলবে না
আমারও না
সমান আনন্দ না ভাবলে
আমার ততক্ষনাত গর্দান
এই রাজার রাজার হুকুম
অষ্টপ্রহর প্রহরী আমার পেছনে দাড়ানো
তার চোখের আড়ালে যাবার উপায় নেই
 ভাবার  আগেই মাথা নেই

Who is me? What is my source? What is my destination. What is all? What is Truth? Is truth material and perceptible?

me and my automation
As soon as a thought appears in my mind I have automated myself to a process - each involving thought plan and action. Supposedly to benefit me materially. In the automation I am programmed to create a sense of euphoria my superiority over others. Others too is my objects and has no existence beyond me. Euphoria too is my object and does not have any existence beyond me. The process keeps me on watch for some events related my original thought. When expectation is not fulfilled within a time elapse calculated, I driven to send signals to others to reach euphoria - the goal of my thought. Goal Time all are my objects and have existence beyond me. nothing is beyond me while all is in me. There is no way to abort a plan. My plans are already in place and I have no option but go through the plan every moment. I have another action plan in place to observe my thoughts generated from my actions without any further plan. My success is guaranteed since I in the first place created thought plan action automation perpetual wheel and I drive that every moment.Moment too is my object has no existence beyond me. I have sensory objects - they too do not have existence beyond me. They are designed to perceive what I am looking and they generate thoughts as programmed by me. Here are my objects for my sensor to recognize and generate my thoughts - Computer (email facebook news Program) TV Phone People Shop Book. I am set into plan action sensor thought cycle by the sensor 'I have nothing to do' 'bored' - no excitement from my body sensors - touch taste sex smell eyes or ears. Me too is an object that has no existence outside.I am final ultimate endless and absolute. no sensor no plan no action no thought can aid me. I have nowhere to go. no parent no root only offsprings as many I wish I create all and destroy all. All is my anondo same as me same as I. I am anondo. all is me in me. all is anondo - the same anondo unchanged from before time and shall remain unchanged after time - absolute truth.

The above is my careful indiscriminating observation of me my thoughts my sensors and my automated process without any further action plan.

এ সব আমার নিজের চোখে দেখা কানে শোনা নয় বই পড়া নয় উপলব্ধি নয় সব আমাতে জন্ম আমাতে মৃত্যু আমাতে বৃদ্ধি আমাতে লয় আমি আনন্দ একমাত্র আনন্দ একমাত্র সত্য যার সৃষ্টি নেই বিনাশ নেই যা কখনো বদলাবে না কল্পনা নয় সব আনন্দ সদা আনন্দ অকৃত্রিম আনন্দ

সবাই আনন্দে নাচতে নাচতে আসবে আনন্দ বিলোবে আনন্দে নাচতে নাচতে যাবে আমারই কেবল আসার জায়গা নেই যাবার জায়গা নেই নাচার কোনো সুযোগ নেই

আমার সব জ্ঞান আমার সব চিন্তা আমার সব দেখা আমার সব করা আমার সব শোনা আমার সব উপলব্ধি হওয়ার কালিতে লেখা পড়ার আগেই মিলিয়ে যায় 

Absolute amount

I receive in every moment an absolute amount of indivisible unclassifiable immeasurable unique divine perception (আনন্দ ) without precedence without choice. It is not transferable or can't be saved or not received. I can't but enjoy this very moment without option and without comparison and without modification without delay.

I did for last forty years what I loathed to do. It is to stop an event from happening. The event belongs to the class Loss. What I resume to have just now.
Without delay I get into action to prevent that happening. I have fever.
I have to enjoy this loathing of mine. I have to enjoy doing the prevention. If possible enjoy possible loss even though it is 100% if I don't act immediately.
In the same vein can I enjoy gain or more gain in future without acting? Can I enjoy the delay in acting or not acting at all?

It is possible to see my thoughts without acting and enjoy the same.

What remains is practice and enjoy my absence.

total silence in all media now

সব কিছু ঠিক ঠাক আছে

এখন আমার কাছে সব আর সবাই সমান আনন্দ - এক মুহূর্ত দেরী না করে সেটাই আমাকে নিজের চোখে দেখেতে হবে না হলে ভলে যাব। ভুলে গেলে অবস্য ক্ষতি নেই  কারণ সব কিছু ঠিক ঠাক আছে বেঠিক হবার উপায় নেই।

আনন্দ হচ্ছে সত্যের প্রকাশ যেমন সৃষ্টি হচ্ছে স্রষ্টার প্রকাশ

সত্য হচ্ছে স্রষ্টার একমাত্র বাসস্থান

"সব কুছ ঠিক ঠাক হায়"   - ছোরদা 

আমার লক্ষ্য

এখন আমার লক্ষ্য :- সত্যের আনন্দ

'আমার কাছে সব সব সব সমান আনন্দ' আমার নিজেরই চর্ম চোখে সত্যকে দেখা এখনই এই মুহুর্তে কোনো  সাহায্য ছাড়া। না দেখলেও ক্ষতি নেই কারণ সব কিছু ঠিক ঠাক আছে বেঠিক হবার উপায় নেই।  

আমি ধ্রুব

আমি ধ্রুব - নিস্তব্দ নিস্পন্ধ নিশব্দ শূন্য - আমার অব্স্থান হৃদযে - আমি কম বেশি দুখী খুশী বা কোনো কিছু বা কেও হতে পারি না - আমার কোনো নিকট বা বিপরীত সাথী বা সাহায্য  নেই - সব আমার আনন্দ - আমার প্রয়োজন নেই।

I am the absolute

I am bliss

I am truth

I am nothing

CAN I BE DEAD NOW?

GOAL:

I must accept without looking for any other option - all as they are without any further thought words or (re)action and without waiting any further.

Can I achieve this goal now?

Can I enjoy my absence for all time to come?

Can I control my temptation to return to make any change ever in future?

CAN I BE DEAD NOW?

সবাই চলে গেছে সব কিছু চলে গেছে 
আমি সুধু সুধু আমি 
মৃত
নিজের দেহটা যে চিতায় তুলব তা সম্ভব হলো না 
যা হবার তা হবে 
কত কথা শুনতে হবে 
চিররিনি থাকতে হবে আমার মরা পুড়ানোর জন্য 
সময় নেই বলেছে এখনই 
অনেক দুরের পথ 
চলছি সাথে দেখলাম ফিরে 
আমার অস্তিত্য 
সাথে নিয়ে আসা ভবনা 
আমার কি হবে 
কোনো কিছু করার উপায় নেই 
আমি চির নিরান্দ আমি 

একটি বিন্দু

উত্স্য

হৃদকমলে একটি বিন্দু

কি অপার্থিব তার রূপ আর মাধুর্য

ত্রিভুবন অসর্গিক রূপে প্রকাশিত

সৃষ্টি নব নুতন সাজে সজ্জিত

নির্মল নানা রঙে রঞ্জিত

সর্গিক সৌরভে সুরোভিত

অসীম সুরে ছন্দে শরীর চমকিত মন আনন্দিত  

ছোরদা

ছোরদা এসেছিল

কে জানি পাঠিয়েছে দেখেতে

সব কিছু ঠিক ঠাক আছে কিনা

আমার সাথে সময় কাটাল কিছুক্ষণ

আমি বললাম সাহায্যের দরকার নেই

যা করার আমি একাই করব 

কোজাগরী

কোজাগরী পূর্ণিমা 

সবাই ঘরের বাইরে 

এক বিন্দু অমৃত ঝরবে 

আকাশ থেকে 

আমি ঘরে 

জেগে উঠলাম 

কি জানি হচ্ছে 

আমার দেহে